Are we having fun yet?

Having fun at work is essential, until there is too much of it, but workforce productivity is directly correlated with the amount of fun the employees are having with their colleagues. So, let's have some fun!

Working in HR

Laughter Therapy

When we were running a two-day Stress Management course in Shell South Africa, laughter therapy was one of the modules. It is incredible what a few minutes of laughter can do to your mood and energy levels. Have a laugh this weekend!



There would be only one negative aspect of laughter though... when the politicians are laughing at their people.

Bush and Berlusconi sharing a toast back in 2008

On Strategy and Mice

The mice grew fed up with their powerlessness and the fact that they always fell prey to those who are stronger. They decided to go to the Old Wise Owl for advice. The Owl contemplated them for an instance and pronounced his decision:

- Hedgehogs have needles to protect them from predators. You must become hedgehogs.

The mice were ecstatic with joy and went home happy that soon their misery would be over. Passing the rye field they stopped all of a sudden having realized that they had absolutely no idea how to become hedgehogs. So they turned on their heels (or whatever it is that the mice typically would turn on) and went back to the Old Wise Owl. The Owl was not happy to be bothered again as it disturbed him from an extremely critical task of sitting high perched up in a tree and looking terribly important. The mice squeaked in perfect unison:

- Dear Owl. You are omnisapient and awfully clever, please, do tell us how we should become hedgehogs.

The Owl looked down at them in disbelief:

- How should I know? It's pure tactics, and I am all about strategy.

Recruitment "Wise" Thoughts of the Day

Avoid employing unlucky people - throw half of the pile of CVs in the bin without reading them.

Know your limitations and be content with them. Too much ambition results in getting a job you can't do.

If your recruiter is playing smart aleck with you, look at him through the prongs of a fork and imagine him in jail.

No matter what your job...

Who said that HR have no sense of humor? We're full of it!

No matter what your job, you can always try make the most of it ....

 Enjoy the weekend!

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What (not) To Do With Your HR Department

NB: Before you read! All examples are fictional, any coincidences are by chance. Satire attempted, sarcasm intended.

There are many myths about HR. Most of them are true. But many are not. For example, there is a firm belief that HR people do not have feelings. I wish to disagree: I personally saw an HR director cry. Once. He was getting out of a taxi and the driver slammed the door before my poor boss removed the palm of his hand from the vehicle. You see - they are human too!

These days there are guides for everything. The How-To specialists are most sought-for employees at glossy magazines (ask Kate Hudson if you don't believe me). I have decided to write… no, surely not a guide, but a short list of do's and don’t's for dealing with HR. Mind you: it is a delicate subject, so please take my advice seriously and please pay absolutely no attention to it whatsoever.

When to distract HR from actually doing something by all available means:

• Never ask HR to organize an event. At first they'll try to do some psychological tumba-yumba with you and later in the night will take pictures, which they'll attach to the report to your boss the following morning.
• Keep HR away from any important numbers. Once an accounting assistant fell ill and an HR Director was asked to do the headcount budget for the following  year. Public embarrassment was avoided by sheer luck and involvement of the sick accounting assistant.
• Try to do all interviews by yourself. HR questions like "What psychosomatic reactions do you experience when you see your own shadow?" do not add value to the interview process and confuse everyone, including the HR themselves.
• Avoid asking HR for advice. You well know how it's gonna end: the lazy bastards will start by asking "and how would you…" type of stuff and end up with updating your personal record with "doesn't know how to do his job".
• Do you best at keeping HR away from the employees. Preferably in a separate building. A separate country is yet better. Distance will ensure that HR will remain blissfully ignorant about the business issues and it will help them continue thinking that they are doing their job well. 

When HR folks are absolutely essential:

• Firing someone: they revel in causing pain and suffering. Make sure that the candidates for layoffs have lots of underage kids and no opportunities for alternative employment.
• Writing something: whether it is about a gum-chewing policy or back-scratching memorandum, you can rely on HR to document it correctly and file accordingly.
•  If you are a columnist for Humor Illustrated, ask an HR person a business question. I guarantee: your readers will be delighted.
• Chaos creation and people confusion. Just like an octopus squirts out ink to escape the predators, let your HR out to create havoc and communication paralysis inside the organization as well as among your competitors, suppliers and the stray dogs in the vicinity.
• Paper-shifting, nose-wiping, belly-gazing. Unsurpassed champions!

Love your HR. Otherwise, they are gonna love you…

Interviewer is a Stressful Job

Many people think that being an interviewer is like having a vacation every now and then retiring to the meeting room with new and interesting people and chatting about their lives, likes and personal interests. No, it is like going into a battle and you never know your enemy, who are becoming more ferocious and unpredictable in their underhanded ways of sneaking into the company you are trying to protect so ardently.

Unfortunately, technology is not on your side, so nowadays you can be recorded, videofilmed, encoded, decoded, digitally modified and uploaded in no time, so a recruiter constantly needs to be on his toes (or her toes if it happens to be a lady).

Below is a short but funny compilation of the perils that recruiters are exposed to on a daily basis without really getting any credit or pay raises for the dangers of their noble trade.

Enjoy the weekend, friends!

I got this by e-mail from a friend today and could not but share. Enjoy and be amazed at how true some of these are!

1.A day without sunshine is like night.

2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.

3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.

6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.

9. Support bacteria. They're the only culture most people have.

10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory..

11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

13. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.

14. OK, so what's the speed of dark?

15. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

16. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

17. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?

18. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

19. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?

20. Why do psychics have to ask you your name?

21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, 'What the heck happened?'

22. Just remember -- if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.

23. Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

24. Life isn't like a box of chocolates. It's more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.

Does Your Boss Know?

Have great weekend, people! :)

Stupid interview questions

I borrowed these cartoons from http://theoatmeal.com/comics/interview_questions; I am sure you'll also enjoy them, and sometimes they do come across exactly as shown below!

Enjoy the last working day of the week!

 

Management Course in 5 Lessons through Story-Telling (funny!)

Lesson 1:

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.' After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,

'Who was that?'

'It was Bob the next door neighbor’ she replies.

'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'

Moral of the story:

If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure

Lesson 2:

A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'

The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.

The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'

The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'

Moral of the story:

If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Lesson 3:

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out.

The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'

'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'

Puff! She's gone.

'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.'

Puff! He's gone.

'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.

The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'

Moral of the story:

Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 4

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.

A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'

The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:

To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson 5

A turkey was chatting with a bull.

'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'

'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients.'

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story:

Bull S *# t might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.